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The Persuader

My personal blog, started in 2006.



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17.12.2012

A look back at 2012: from an Italian Job remake to a royal pregnancy

Last year, it was quite humorous looking back on 2011 and what appeared on my Tumblr. And since my decade summary in December 2009 was a bit of a hit for some of you, I thought it might be worth a review of the year. In case you thought you missed out on much from the other blog, don’t fret.

January
   My friend Rachel Russell arrives in London. She writes, ‘Walking around London last night was like being in one of those ’80s “dystopian future” science-fiction movies. Similar to a zombie apocalypse.’
   Lucire blacks out its cover image for SOPA. I say it was like the time Bill Nighy ran headline-only pages in State of Play (the original one, not the Russell Crowe remake). It would affect free speech and the economy, I argued, and urged Americans to act.
   I fly to see Players in India, the remake of the remake of The Italian Job. It’s terrible. Wellington features as itself, but it also doubles unconvincingly for Sydney in some parts.
   The Indian PM has bad news for the economy: GDP growth is forecast to be only 7 per cent this year.

February
   Hustle finishes. It’s the end of an era for silly, one-hour, self-contained, escapist British series. Bring out the Persuaders DVDs. Or Jason King.
   Katy Perry used to be a good Brand.
   The British can now read headlines such as ‘Freddie Starr ate my hamster’ on Sundays now as Rupert Murdoch essentially retitles The News of the World.

March
   Pinterest is buggy. Then it gets redesigned and it looks worse.
   Charlie Brooker asks on 10 O’Clock Live: ‘Do you think [Angelina Jolie]’s annoyed that Joseph Kony has abducted more African children than she has?’
   Some netizens post a picture of Carl Weathers as George Dillon from Predator; others think that’s Joseph Kony.

April
   Westpac débuts advertising which reads, ‘Mind on your money, money on your mind?’ but Snoop Dogg does not shift his accounts there.
   Skyfall buzz begins on my blog.
   The Top Gear boys work on The Sweeney remake and I can’t watch the chase scene without thinking, ‘Turn off the traction control’ in a Borat accent.
   The Avengers débuts at cinemas but Scarlett Johansson is an unconvincing Emma Peel.

May
   Mitt Romney promises ‘A better Amercia’.
   Uh oh: The G. C. This brings back Sir Robert Muldoon’s quotation, ‘New Zealanders who emigrate to Australia raise the IQ of both countries.’
   Fortunately, Bron or Broen, depending on which side the Øresund bridge you hail from, becomes my TV viewing for this month.
   My bad pun day, in response to a friend watching One Direction and Justin Bieber: ‘They seem like nice Bros. I’m not N’Sync with these 5ive New Kids on the Block but I’ll have to Take That as it comes. Never was in to that sort of music when I was younger, being from the East, 17. Part of the West life, I guess. It would be nice if we saw some Backstreet Boys, but they won’t be among the Wanted for viewers.’

June
   As pressure mounts in the Falklands, Sean Lock says in 8 out of 10 Cats, ‘The Falklands: it takes 14 hours to get there and it’s just a rock covered in seagull shit.’
   The Murdoch Press allegedly writes, ‘highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector.’ Why one should use the Oxford comma.
   This lady is pregnant. Or not.

July
   Sue Chetwin of Consumer New Zealand is quoted as saying, ‘It’s marketing 101—[Vodafone New Zealand] seem to breach the rules quite regularly and you’d have to hope that these significant fines are a signal to them that they can’t continue to do that.’ How interesting that I would cite this a few months later.
   Campbell Live runs Miss Universe New Zealand Avianca Böhm’s recordings between her and pageant director Val Lott. Former winners rejoice.
   I Tweet, ‘There is a rumour that the Olympic closing ceremony will feature ‘Yakety Sax’ and a Benny Hill lookalike to chase the torch off-stage.’

August
   Vogue Italia’s legendary Anna Piaggi passes away.
   The Julian Assange case reaches high gear. Michael Moore and Oliver Stone write in The New York Times, ‘If Mr. Assange is extradited to the United States, the consequences will reverberate for years around the world. Mr. Assange is not an American citizen, and none of his actions have taken place on American soil. If the United States can prosecute a journalist in these circumstances, the governments of Russia or China could, by the same logic, demand that foreign reporters anywhere on earth be extradited for violating their laws. The setting of such a precedent should deeply concern everyone, admirers of WikiLeaks or not.’
   My friend John Butler writes, ‘Ten years from now, no cyclists will bother showing up at the Tour de France. It will just be a bunch of lawyers gathering in an air-conditioned building for three weeks seeing who has the most money to blow filing lawsuits and discovery motions and subpœnas.’
   Samsung loses to Apple in a California court after a jury rushes to its decision.

September
   J-Lou means Jenna Louise Coleman and her surprise début in Doctor Who.
   The Sweeney hits cinemas and Britain goes nostalgic.
   USA Today launches its redesign.
   The return of Alarm für Cobra 11 on German TV screens.
   Lucire changes its 404 page to help with locating missing persons.
   Facebook is accused of revealing private messages when in fact most were wall-to-wall ones that everyone had forgotten about.

October
   Some folks are calling Skyfall ‘the best Bond ever’. I don’t agree.
   Ford Mustang fans have a convention in Wellington.
   At Miss Africa Wellington, I say, ‘Unlike another pageant, the judges’ decision is final.’
   The Rt Hon John Key defends his Hollywood studio tour by saying, ‘There’ll always be conspiracy theorists out there but I’m interested in jobs, not people who live in Fantasyland and want to make things up.’
   Hong Kong comes to a head over its identity versus the mainlanders who are coming to the city.
   I mock up a Jack Reacher promotional image:

November
   It’s really hard to turn on ‘Do Not Track’ in Google Chrome (and it does nothing anyway).
   President Barack Obama re-elected for his second term.
   There are no Ford Falcons on sale at Capital City Ford—it really looks like Ford is trying to kill its longest-running passenger car line.

December
   Summer Rayne Oakes’s Extinction now available to the public to view on Vimeo.
   Kate loves Willy, nek minnit, pregnant.
   TV viewers get upset when the Newtown, Conn. shooting cut in to Ellen.

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Filed under: business, culture, humour, interests, internet, media, New Zealand, politics, publishing, TV, UK, USA—Jack Yan @ 01.02

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