The original link is long gone, but I sure wish the media here did its job during the 2013 mayoral election and administered the Voigt-Kampff (I know it was spelt differently in the movie) test from Philip K. Dick’s Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. This was from The Wave, 11 years ago, during San Francisco’s mayoral election. I believe the magazine may now be defunct. The text below is as formatted in the original, with the American spellings, capitalization after a colon, the full stop inside quotation marks even when it does not form part of the original quote, and the misspelling of the author’s name.
The political media can redress the balance this year by administering the Voigt-Kampff test to the party leaders for the General Election. I already suspect that both the PM and the Leader of the Opposition are replicants.
More Human than Human
A field guide for testing if the San Francisco mayoral candidates are human or not.
John Holden
replicant (repâ-li-kant) n.
1. A genetically engineered creature composed entirely of organic substance designed to look and act human.
2. An android.
With Willie Brown finally leaving his gold (plated), diamond-encrusted throne, there has been no shortage of hats thrown into the mayoral ring. San Francisco politics are now a microcosm of Californiaâs own, greater gubernatorial âchallenges.â Rather than confuse you with endorsements, position papers and other outmoded means of political influence, weâve decided to get to the bottom of the only question that matters: Is a particular candidate human or an insidious replicant, possessed of physical strength and computational abilities far exceeding our own, but lacking empathy and possibly even bent on our destruction as a species?
The only reliable method that we know of for sniffing out replicants is the Voight-Kampff Test, created by Phillip K. Dick in his book, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep and later used by Harrison Fordâs character, Deckard, in the film Blade Runner. The test uses a series of questions to evoke an emotional response which androids are incapable of having. By the candidatesâ responses to this line of questioning, we feel we can say with some certainty whether or not theyâre replicants. However, weâre stopping short of recommending that you vote for them or not. After all, though a replicant mayor may be more likely to gouge a supervisorâs eyes out with their thumbs, they have another quality that could be great in an elected official: a four year life span.
Subject 1: Angela Alioto
The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.
Itâs your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Angela Alioto: Iâd accept it.
TW: Youâve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
AA: Iâd look at it. What do you mean what would I do? As opposed to saying âhow horrible?â I would tell him how beautiful it is.
TW: Youâre watching television. Suddenly you realize thereâs a wasp crawling on your arm.
AA: Iâd knock it off. Itâs something Iâm used to doing in politics [Laughs].
TW: Youâre in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Angela, itâs crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Angela. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it canât, not without your help. But youâre not helping. Why is that, Angela?
AA: That would never happen. I wouldnât turn it over in the first place, and the thing with it being in pain is out of the question. Let me ask you, John, how does this fit in to the bigger picture when you ask me about the dying tortoise and the dead butterflies?
TW: Theyâre just questions, Angela. In answer to your query, theyâre written down for me. Itâs a test, designed to provoke an emotional response. Shall we continue? Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
AA: My mother? Sheâs beautiful. Sheâs an artist. Sheâs a renaissance artist.
Conclusion: Her defensiveness over her lack of empathy for the butterfly is telling, as is the comparison of a political rival to a wasp that should be knocked off. I think we can safely say that Angela Alioto is indeed a replicant, albeit one that âlovesâ the implanted memory of her mother. Keep an eye on her.
Subject 2: Susan Leal
The Wave: Itâs your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Susan Leal: Disappointed.
TW: Youâve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
SL: Iâd be fascinated.
TW: Youâre watching television. Suddenly you realize thereâs a wasp crawling on your arm.
SL: Iâd kill it.
TW: Youâre in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Susan, itâs crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Susan. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it canât, not without your help. But youâre not helping. Why is that, Susan?
SL: I donât know, I mustâve lost my mind.
TW: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
SL: Honest. Supportive. Liberal. Interesting.
Conclusion: The dissociation Susan expressed in response to the tortoise question confirms what we already knew: Susan Leal is a replicant. However, by evaluating her response to the wasp question (word for word as Rachel â totally a replicant â answered it in Blade Runner), we can tell that sheâs at least a Nexus 7. If you vote for Susan, you will be electing a replicant, but one of the most highly advanced models available.
Subject 3: Matt Gonzalez
The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.
Itâs your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Matt Gonzalez: Iâm sorry, what kind of wallet?
TW: Calfskin.
MG: Calfskin, I donât even know what that is.
TW: Do you know what a cow is, Matt?
MG: Yeah.
TW: Baby cow.
MG: Um, I have no idea how I would react.
TW: Youâve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
MG: These are great questions. Iâm not sure if theyâre ideal for 9:00. We were up pretty late at the office. I can only associate to things that Iâve seen or done in my own lifeâŠ.
TW: Youâre watching television. Suddenly you realize thereâs a wasp crawling on your arm.
MG: I guess I would probably just knock it off.
TW: Youâre in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Matt, itâs crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Matt. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it canât, not without your help. But youâre not helping. Why is that, Matt?
MG: Well I donât think I would have knocked it over in the first place and I donât get any amusement out of making tortoises suffer, so I donât think that would be me. You must have confused me for one of my opponents.
TW: Shall we continue? Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
MG: Just a positive person, no negative energy at all. Next time could we do this later in the day?
Conclusion: Androids do not dream of electric sheep because they donât sleep, unlike Matt Gonzalez who was up late âworkingâ at the office. His obvious grogginess leads us to the conclusion that he is indeed a human, but one with an ill-formed sleep schedule. Were he a replicant he would have already gouged out six eyeballs, broken in to the genetic design lab and made a trip to the juice bar by this time of the day.
Subject 4: Tom Ammiano
The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.
Itâs your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Tom Ammiano: Iâd look for money.
TW: Youâve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
TA: Iâd think this was Blade Runner. Thatâs my reaction.
TW: Youâre watching television. Suddenly you realize thereâs a wasp crawling on your arm.
TA: Call 911.
TW: Youâre in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Tom, itâs crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Tom. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it canât, not without your help. But youâre not helping. Why is that, Tom?
TA: Thatâs interesting. I donât know. Iâm a republican?
TW: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
TA: Tenderness. Yelling.
Conclusion: The self-awareness required to recognize that youâre being administered a Voight-Kampff Test automatically eliminates the possibility of you being a replicant. Good work, Tom! Youâre human! Now watch your back.
Subject 5: Tony Ribera
The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.
Itâs your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Tony Ribera: Good. Iâd be happy.
TW: Youâve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
TR: Iâd ask him to explain it to me.
TW: Youâre watching television. Suddenly you realize thereâs a wasp crawling on your arm.
TR: Slap it.
TW: Youâre in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Tony, itâs crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Tony. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it canât, not without your help. But youâre not helping. Why is that, Tony?
TR: Well, I think I would help. I like tortoises. As a former athlete Iâve always been very slow, and I feel I can relate to them.
TW: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
TR: Happy. Cheerful. Optimistic. Pretty. Fun.
Conclusion: Inconclusive. While generally empathetic, there is a homey quality to Tonyâs answers that are almost too good to be true. As if they were⊠programmed. Fifty-fifty heâs a skin job.
Subject 6: Gavin Newsom
The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.
Itâs your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Gavin Newsom: I donât have anything to put in it. I would thank them and move on.
TW: Youâve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
GN: I would tell him to⊠You know what? I wouldnât know how to respond. Howâs that for an answer? Is this a psychological test? Iâm worriedâŠ
TW: Theyâre just questions, Gavin. In answer to your query, theyâre written down for me. Itâs a test, designed to provoke an emotional response.
GN: Oh, I got you.
TW: Shall we continue?
GN: Sure.
TW: Youâre watching television. Suddenly you realize thereâs a wasp crawling on your arm. How would you react?
GN: I would quietly sit and wait for the wasp to move to the next victim.
TW: Youâre in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Gavin, itâs crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Gavin. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it canât, not without your help. But youâre not helping. Why is that, Gavin?
GN: [Immediately] Not a chance. I would never flip the tortoise over in the first place.
TW: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
GN: Ethics. Commitment. Sacrifice.
Conclusion: Almost too close to call. Almost. Newsom displays a defensiveness when his empathy is questioned. Heâs aware that heâs being probed for emotional responses, and even expresses concern about this. However, this concern is alleviated a little too easily by our crafty V-K interviewer. Newsom is definitely a replicant. Probably a Nexus 5.