Posts tagged ‘humour’


A belated look back at 2013

18.03.2014

I must have had a busy end of 2013, as I never posted my trade-mark summary of the year as viewed via my Tumblr. Here ’tis, better late than never.

January 2013
Lucire has a facelift online—by December 2013, this “new look” would be history. Kylie Minogue is on the home page as the first story with the new look. Seems very retro now.
   Cliff Curtis plays a non-Māori with a standard American accent in Missing. Maybe no one really knows about New Zealand in Hollywood, unless you are Jemaine, Bret, or a Hobbit.
   Kim Dotcom launches Megabox but it’s still not fair or sustainable for content creators, says Russell Brown. You just don’t hear much about this these days.
   Jaguar is happy that the Tata procedures’ manual is four sides of A4 instead of Ford’s three-inch thick one. Free from US bureaucracy, it now produces good cars. This might apply to other things concerning the US of A.

February 2013
Dick Prosser doesn’t get stood down by New Zealand First after racist comments, and Shearer and Key are OK with that, too. Prosser’s relieved he doesn’t work for TVNZ.
   On Instagram, the OHMS hashtag reveals very little that is On Her Majesty’s Service.
   Google claims that it cannot crawl for a file that never existed—the first of some serious bugs from the search engine giant.

March 2013
Theorizing a remake of Back to the Future, with Justin Bieber and Will Ferrell. Yes, I thought that sucked, too.
   Malala Yousafzai’s story is retold in cartoon form.
   Tumblr reaches 100 million users; Instagram is plagued by Instaspam.

April 2013
One reviewer equates Bruce Willis’s John McClane in the new Die Hard movie with Mr Magoo: ‘Remember those old Mister Magoo cartoons where the doddery old bald guy would blunder around various locations, leaving chaos in his wake while constantly insisting “I’m on vacation”?’
   Margaret Thatcher’s funeral was foretold in The Final Cut in the early 1990s. I watched it then. The remake was totally different. For a start, a lot of Thatcher Cabinet politicians now look like their Spitting Image caricatures.
   Googlebot keeps making false accusations about malware, as I document Google’s latest folly. Why do people depend on this website? And, more to the point, isn’t libel covered by US law?
   Adam Rayner and Eliza Dushku try to reboot The Saint in a remake, with Roger Moore and Ian Ogilvy in cameos. The series is yet to be picked up.

May 2013
Royal Wedding build-up as the Swedish Crown releases a photograph of HRH Princess Madeleine with her fiancé Chris O’Neill. Swedish men give up hope of courting her.
   Colvin Inglis: ‘Wellington isn’t dying—John Key flew into Wellington Airport and misinterpreted what “Wellington Terminal” meant.’

June 2013
The Royal Wedding of HRH Princess Madeleine and Chris O’Neill. It becomes one of Lucire’s most-read articles in June.
   Edward Snowden becomes the whistleblower of the year. Later, when I am stuck at the Russian Embassy behind its gates in Wellington, I note that I was ‘snowed in’. Snowden has inspired new language.

July 2013
Dzohokhar Tsarnaev gets on the cover of Rolling Stone. People complain that Rolling Stone glamorized him without reading the story which doesn’t glamorize him. Some media cover this without mentioning this point.
   PM John Key dismisses GCSB protesters as misinformed or politically aligned.
   The death of Mel Smith. Will Matt Lucas still dress up as Andy Pipkin?

August 2013
Facebook and Instagram stop people from saying thank-you, either failing such comments or calling them abusive.
   Stuart Munro writes, at the al-Jazeera English website: ‘The major driver of the GCSB bill has been the improper use of the agency by John Key. This bill was thrown together on the fly to cover the PM’s embarrassment arising from his misuse of GCSB resources to spy on Kim Dotcom. With an honest PM, the legislation might not be problematic—but Key makes personal and intemperate use of the GCSB. He is therefore incapable of providing impartial oversight to the GCSB, and that leaves this bill fatally flawed. It will have to be scrapped, and the current GCSB will have to be disestablished in favour of a more scrupulous organisation.’

September 2013
The Australian General Election, and Tony Abbott provides fodder with quotations suggesting he might not be all there. He wins anyway.

October 2013
Doctor Who’s 50th anniversary special is coming. I eventually watch it on Iplayer after testing it out watching Strictly. This reminds me of how much Britain has changed in the last 30 years. Today, Bruce Forsyth is on BBC1 on a Saturday night, Terry Wogan is on the radio, and Tories are in Number 10. Nothing like it was before.
   Google breaks another promise. In 2005, it stated, ‘There will be no banner ads on the Google homepage or web search results pages. There will not be crazy, flashy, graphical doodads flying and popping up all over the Google site. Ever.’

November 2013
The 50th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, which must also mean the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who.
   The origins of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air are revealed in this fictional entry by yours truly: ‘To entertain the populace during the Troubles, The Fresh Prince of Bel Fast was a Northern Irish sitcom about a young Catholic man from Derry who is forced to live with a Protestant family to the east of Belfast. It later spawned an American remake starring Will Smith. It was known for its theme, which concluded, “I looked at my kingdom, I was there at last / To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Fast.”‘

December 2013
Pinterest puts spammers into your feed.
   The Hobbit cartoon in the 1970s was a much quicker way to get Tolkien’s novel dramatized: in and out in 90 minutes.
   There ain’t nothing like a Dame: Penelope Keith gets a DBE—and I mark this with a Morecambe & Wise clip. Seems appropriate.

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Posted in culture, humour, interests, media, New Zealand, politics, Sweden, USA | No Comments »


Do mayoral candidates dream of electric sheep?

16.02.2014

The original link is long gone, but I sure wish the media here did its job during the 2013 mayoral election and administered the Voigt-Kampff (I know it was spelt differently in the movie) test from Philip K. Dick’s Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. This was from The Wave, 11 years ago, during San Francisco’s mayoral election. I believe the magazine may now be defunct. The text below is as formatted in the original, with the American spellings, capitalization after a colon, the full stop inside quotation marks even when it does not form part of the original quote, and the misspelling of the author’s name.
   The political media can redress the balance this year by administering the Voigt-Kampf test to the party leaders for the General Election. I already suspect that both the PM and the Leader of the Opposition are replicants.

More Human than Human
A field guide for testing if the San Francisco mayoral candidates are human or not.
John Holden

replicant (rep’-li-kant) n.
1. A genetically engineered creature composed entirely of organic substance designed to look and act human.
2. An android.

With Willie Brown finally leaving his gold (plated), diamond-encrusted throne, there has been no shortage of hats thrown into the mayoral ring. San Francisco politics are now a microcosm of California’s own, greater gubernatorial “challenges.” Rather than confuse you with endorsements, position papers and other outmoded means of political influence, we’ve decided to get to the bottom of the only question that matters: Is a particular candidate human or an insidious replicant, possessed of physical strength and computational abilities far exceeding our own, but lacking empathy and possibly even bent on our destruction as a species?

The only reliable method that we know of for sniffing out replicants is the Voight-Kampff Test, created by Phillip K. Dick in his book, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep and later used by Harrison Ford’s character, Deckard, in the film Blade Runner. The test uses a series of questions to evoke an emotional response which androids are incapable of having. By the candidates’ responses to this line of questioning, we feel we can say with some certainty whether or not they’re replicants. However, we’re stopping short of recommending that you vote for them or not. After all, though a replicant mayor may be more likely to gouge a supervisor’s eyes out with their thumbs, they have another quality that could be great in an elected official: a four year life span.

Subject 1: Angela Alioto

The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.

It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Angela Alioto: I’d accept it.

TW: You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
AA: I’d look at it. What do you mean what would I do? As opposed to saying “how horrible?” I would tell him how beautiful it is.

TW: You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
AA: I’d knock it off. It’s something I’m used to doing in politics [Laughs].

TW: You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Angela, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Angela. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Angela?
AA: That would never happen. I wouldn’t turn it over in the first place, and the thing with it being in pain is out of the question. Let me ask you, John, how does this fit in to the bigger picture when you ask me about the dying tortoise and the dead butterflies?

TW: They’re just questions, Angela. In answer to your query, they’re written down for me. It’s a test, designed to provoke an emotional response. Shall we continue? Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
AA: My mother? She’s beautiful. She’s an artist. She’s a renaissance artist.

Conclusion: Her defensiveness over her lack of empathy for the butterfly is telling, as is the comparison of a political rival to a wasp that should be knocked off. I think we can safely say that Angela Alioto is indeed a replicant, albeit one that “loves” the implanted memory of her mother. Keep an eye on her.

Subject 2: Susan Leal

The Wave: It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Susan Leal: Disappointed.

TW: You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
SL: I’d be fascinated.

TW: You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
SL: I’d kill it.

TW: You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Susan, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Susan. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Susan?
SL: I don’t know, I must’ve lost my mind.

TW: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
SL: Honest. Supportive. Liberal. Interesting.

Conclusion: The dissociation Susan expressed in response to the tortoise question confirms what we already knew: Susan Leal is a replicant. However, by evaluating her response to the wasp question (word for word as Rachel – totally a replicant – answered it in Blade Runner), we can tell that she’s at least a Nexus 7. If you vote for Susan, you will be electing a replicant, but one of the most highly advanced models available.

Subject 3: Matt Gonzalez

The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.

It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Matt Gonzalez: I’m sorry, what kind of wallet?

TW: Calfskin.
MG: Calfskin, I don’t even know what that is.

TW: Do you know what a cow is, Matt?
MG: Yeah.

TW: Baby cow.
MG: Um, I have no idea how I would react.

TW: You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
MG: These are great questions. I’m not sure if they’re ideal for 9:00. We were up pretty late at the office. I can only associate to things that I’ve seen or done in my own life….

TW: You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
MG: I guess I would probably just knock it off.

TW: You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Matt, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Matt. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Matt?
MG: Well I don’t think I would have knocked it over in the first place and I don’t get any amusement out of making tortoises suffer, so I don’t think that would be me. You must have confused me for one of my opponents.

TW: Shall we continue? Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
MG: Just a positive person, no negative energy at all. Next time could we do this later in the day?

Conclusion: Androids do not dream of electric sheep because they don’t sleep, unlike Matt Gonzalez who was up late “working” at the office. His obvious grogginess leads us to the conclusion that he is indeed a human, but one with an ill-formed sleep schedule. Were he a replicant he would have already gouged out six eyeballs, broken in to the genetic design lab and made a trip to the juice bar by this time of the day.

Subject 4: Tom Ammiano

The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.

It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Tom Ammiano: I’d look for money.

TW: You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
TA: I’d think this was Blade Runner. That’s my reaction.

TW: You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
TA: Call 911.

TW: You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Tom, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Tom. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Tom?
TA: That’s interesting. I don’t know. I’m a republican?

TW: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
TA: Tenderness. Yelling.

Conclusion: The self-awareness required to recognize that you’re being administered a Voight-Kampff Test automatically eliminates the possibility of you being a replicant. Good work, Tom! You’re human! Now watch your back.

Subject 5: Tony Ribera

The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.

It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Tony Ribera: Good. I’d be happy.

TW: You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
TR: I’d ask him to explain it to me.

TW: You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm.
TR: Slap it.

TW: You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Tony, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Tony. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Tony?
TR: Well, I think I would help. I like tortoises. As a former athlete I’ve always been very slow, and I feel I can relate to them.

TW: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
TR: Happy. Cheerful. Optimistic. Pretty. Fun.

Conclusion: Inconclusive. While generally empathetic, there is a homey quality to Tony’s answers that are almost too good to be true. As if they were… programmed. Fifty-fifty he’s a skin job.

Subject 6: Gavin Newsom

The Wave: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.

It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?
Gavin Newsom: I don’t have anything to put in it. I would thank them and move on.

TW: You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?
GN: I would tell him to… You know what? I wouldn’t know how to respond. How’s that for an answer? Is this a psychological test? I’m worried…

TW: They’re just questions, Gavin. In answer to your query, they’re written down for me. It’s a test, designed to provoke an emotional response.
GN: Oh, I got you.

TW: Shall we continue?
GN: Sure.

TW: You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm. How would you react?
GN: I would quietly sit and wait for the wasp to move to the next victim.

TW: You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Gavin, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Gavin. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Gavin?
GN: [Immediately] Not a chance. I would never flip the tortoise over in the first place.

TW: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind. About your mother.
GN: Ethics. Commitment. Sacrifice.

Conclusion: Almost too close to call. Almost. Newsom displays a defensiveness when his empathy is questioned. He’s aware that he’s being probed for emotional responses, and even expresses concern about this. However, this concern is alleviated a little too easily by our crafty V-K interviewer. Newsom is definitely a replicant. Probably a Nexus 5.

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Flashback to 2002: Australia’s first Winter Olympic gold

09.02.2014

This is the sort of thing I would throw on my Tumblr but the Olympic Committee won’t allow embedding there. Ergo:

   It’s from the 2002 Games, where Steven Bradbury takes home Australia’s first gold in the Winter Olympics. The last lap is at around the 1′30″ mark.
   Fast forward to 2014 and remember (with apologies to Yakov Smirnoff): in Russia, Olympics watch you!

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Posted in humour, TV, USA | 2 Comments »


Worse reality shows

21.01.2014

2Tapu on Twitter hashtagged #worserealityshows tonight, with Who Wants to Marry a Mutineer? as her suggestion. The hashtag, which went viral tonight, inspired everything from The XXX Factor and America’s Next Top Bottom to The Amazing Racist to the very disturbing Are You Sexier than a Fifth Grader?.
   2Tapu contributed So You Think You Can Chant?, American Idle, Antique Roadkill Show, and America’s Most Unwanted (presumably a dating show for ex-cons), among others.
   Here were mine, and let’s hope none ever get made:

The Real Housewives of Tawa
Joe Thousandaire
Dog the Bounty Chocolate Bar
Straight Eye for the Queer Guy
Pimp My Blimp
Reformation Rescue
Trinny and Susannah Undress Gok Wan
Extreme Makeover: Vatican Edition
Monsters, Inc. Garage
Real Stories of the Highway Road Works
Solved Mysteries
Farmer Wants a Life
America’s Funniest Home Sound Recordings
Real Stories of the Nazi Patrol
Rock of Love with Bret Maverick
Lead Us from Temptation Island
Humans Wrecking Balls
Half Pint Crawlers
Rameses’ Egyptian Nightmares
Dog Shouter
Stranded with Ross Kemp
Stranded with Ross Kemp on Temptation Island
I Survived a Japanese Geisha
Strictly Come
No Opportunity Knocks
Boarder Patrol
Wife Slap
Who Not to Whore
Reject Runway
Jon & Kate Plus Eight Is Enough
Project Housing Runway
America’s Next Top Motel

   I then went to grab a meal and lost the mojo—which is just as well, as I have a speech to write.
   What was very fascinating: that many on Twitter believed that any show with the Kardashians already qualified.

PS.: My contributions to #terriblestarwarsspinoffs from Team Coco were: Naboogie Nights, Yavin & Stacey, Jango Unchained, Palp Fictine, Moulin Rogue Squadron, Starsky & Hutt, Six Fett Under, and Ana and the Kin. They didn’t make their list. See if you think theirs are better.—JY

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Steve Guttenberg shows us how a Kiwi accent is done

27.12.2013

Back in September, The Dominion Post claimed on its front page that I have an ‘accent’ that is holding me back. It was a statement which the editor-in-chief subsequently apologized for, and which she had removed from the online edition—you can judge for yourself here if the claim was a falsehood. Still, despite having lived here for 37 years and having grown up here, I thought I had better take lessons from the great actor, Steve Guttenberg, on what a New Zealander sounds like, since evidently I was still too foreign for a newspaper reporter.
   Head to around 49 minutes for Steve in the persona of Lobo Marunga, from Auckland, in The Boyfriend School, which aired in New Zealand as Don’t Tell Her It’s Me. Forget Sir Ben Kingsley in Ender’s Game.

   My thanks to all those on Twitter and Facebook who complained to the newspaper back in September. The plus side is turning fictions like this into what they should be: a source of humour and entertainment.

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Posted in humour, internet, media, New Zealand, politics, TV, USA, Wellington | 4 Comments »


Be stress-free

13.04.2013

If you feel stressed out, Nivea comes to the rescue with this great new product. I can see it being a huge hit. Good on the Germans for their innovation. (Photographed by Snjezana Bobič and first published on her Facebook.)

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Posted in humour | 1 Comment »


A look back at 2012: from an Italian Job remake to a royal pregnancy

17.12.2012

Last year, it was quite humorous looking back on 2011 and what appeared on my Tumblr. And since my decade summary in December 2009 was a bit of a hit for some of you, I thought it might be worth a review of the year. In case you thought you missed out on much from the other blog, don’t fret.

January
   My friend Rachel Russell arrives in London. She writes, ‘Walking around London last night was like being in one of those ’80s “dystopian future” science-fiction movies. Similar to a zombie apocalypse.’
   Lucire blacks out its cover image for SOPA. I say it was like the time Bill Nighy ran headline-only pages in State of Play (the original one, not the Russell Crowe remake). It would affect free speech and the economy, I argued, and urged Americans to act.
   I fly to see Players in India, the remake of the remake of The Italian Job. It’s terrible. Wellington features as itself, but it also doubles unconvincingly for Sydney in some parts.
   The Indian PM has bad news for the economy: GDP growth is forecast to be only 7 per cent this year.

February
   Hustle finishes. It’s the end of an era for silly, one-hour, self-contained, escapist British series. Bring out the Persuaders DVDs. Or Jason King.
   Katy Perry used to be a good Brand.
   The British can now read headlines such as ‘Freddie Starr ate my hamster’ on Sundays now as Rupert Murdoch essentially retitles The News of the World.

March
   Pinterest is buggy. Then it gets redesigned and it looks worse.
   Charlie Brooker asks on 10 O’Clock Live: ‘Do you think [Angelina Jolie]’s annoyed that Joseph Kony has abducted more African children than she has?’
   Some netizens post a picture of Carl Weathers as George Dillon from Predator; others think that’s Joseph Kony.

April
   Westpac débuts advertising which reads, ‘Mind on your money, money on your mind?’ but Snoop Dogg does not shift his accounts there.
   Skyfall buzz begins on my blog.
   The Top Gear boys work on The Sweeney remake and I can’t watch the chase scene without thinking, ‘Turn off the traction control’ in a Borat accent.
   The Avengers débuts at cinemas but Scarlett Johansson is an unconvincing Emma Peel.

May
   Mitt Romney promises ‘A better Amercia’.
   Uh oh: The G. C. This brings back Sir Robert Muldoon’s quotation, ‘New Zealanders who emigrate to Australia raise the IQ of both countries.’
   Fortunately, Bron or Broen, depending on which side the Øresund bridge you hail from, becomes my TV viewing for this month.
   My bad pun day, in response to a friend watching One Direction and Justin Bieber: ‘They seem like nice Bros. I’m not N’Sync with these 5ive New Kids on the Block but I’ll have to Take That as it comes. Never was in to that sort of music when I was younger, being from the East, 17. Part of the West life, I guess. It would be nice if we saw some Backstreet Boys, but they won’t be among the Wanted for viewers.’

June
   As pressure mounts in the Falklands, Sean Lock says in 8 out of 10 Cats, ‘The Falklands: it takes 14 hours to get there and it’s just a rock covered in seagull shit.’
   The Murdoch Press allegedly writes, ‘highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector.’ Why one should use the Oxford comma.
   This lady is pregnant. Or not.

July
   Sue Chetwin of Consumer New Zealand is quoted as saying, ‘It’s marketing 101—[Vodafone New Zealand] seem to breach the rules quite regularly and you’d have to hope that these significant fines are a signal to them that they can’t continue to do that.’ How interesting that I would cite this a few months later.
   Campbell Live runs Miss Universe New Zealand Avianca Böhm’s recordings between her and pageant director Val Lott. Former winners rejoice.
   I Tweet, ‘There is a rumour that the Olympic closing ceremony will feature ‘Yakety Sax’ and a Benny Hill lookalike to chase the torch off-stage.’

August
   Vogue Italia’s legendary Anna Piaggi passes away.
   The Julian Assange case reaches high gear. Michael Moore and Oliver Stone write in The New York Times, ‘If Mr. Assange is extradited to the United States, the consequences will reverberate for years around the world. Mr. Assange is not an American citizen, and none of his actions have taken place on American soil. If the United States can prosecute a journalist in these circumstances, the governments of Russia or China could, by the same logic, demand that foreign reporters anywhere on earth be extradited for violating their laws. The setting of such a precedent should deeply concern everyone, admirers of WikiLeaks or not.’
   My friend John Butler writes, ‘Ten years from now, no cyclists will bother showing up at the Tour de France. It will just be a bunch of lawyers gathering in an air-conditioned building for three weeks seeing who has the most money to blow filing lawsuits and discovery motions and subpœnas.’
   Samsung loses to Apple in a California court after a jury rushes to its decision.

September
   J-Lou means Jenna Louise Coleman and her surprise début in Doctor Who.
   The Sweeney hits cinemas and Britain goes nostalgic.
   USA Today launches its redesign.
   The return of Alarm für Cobra 11 on German TV screens.
   Lucire changes its 404 page to help with locating missing persons.
   Facebook is accused of revealing private messages when in fact most were wall-to-wall ones that everyone had forgotten about.

October
   Some folks are calling Skyfall ‘the best Bond ever’. I don’t agree.
   Ford Mustang fans have a convention in Wellington.
   At Miss Africa Wellington, I say, ‘Unlike another pageant, the judges’ decision is final.’
   The Rt Hon John Key defends his Hollywood studio tour by saying, ‘There’ll always be conspiracy theorists out there but I’m interested in jobs, not people who live in Fantasyland and want to make things up.’
   Hong Kong comes to a head over its identity versus the mainlanders who are coming to the city.
   I mock up a Jack Reacher promotional image:

November
   It’s really hard to turn on ‘Do Not Track’ in Google Chrome (and it does nothing anyway).
   President Barack Obama re-elected for his second term.
   First publicity photo of Sarah Munn as Miss New Zealand at World Miss University 2012. Sarah would wind up winning the YouTube vote, but organizers give the prize to the eighth-placed contestant.
   There are no Ford Falcons on sale at Capital City Ford—it really looks like Ford is trying to kill its longest-running passenger car line.

December
   Summer Rayne Oakes’s Extinction now available to the public to view on Vimeo.
   Kate loves Willy, nek minnit, pregnant.
   TV viewers get upset when the Newtown, Conn. shooting cut in to Ellen.

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Posted in business, culture, humour, interests, internet, media, New Zealand, politics, publishing, TV, UK, USA | No Comments »


I’m not the only one who has a problem with Internet Explorer

21.06.2012

I realize software crashes can happen to anyone at any time, even Microsoft Windows president Steve Sinofsky, when demonstrating the new Microsoft Surface tablets in front of an audience in Los Angeles.
   However, it does remind me of the year where Internet Explorer 9 would not work on any of our computers. The question must be asked: if one of Microsoft’s own bosses can’t get Internet Explorer to work, what hope do the rest of us have?

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Posted in humour, internet, technology, USA | 2 Comments »


Private I

05.04.2012

Here’s a quick post for Easter, from my friend Wayne Thompson of Australian Type Foundry. If you want decent typographic puns, you need a typeface designer—not some of those groan-worthy ones that get circulated by those outside the industry.

Private I from Wayne Thompson on Vimeo.

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Posted in humour, TV, typography | No Comments »


YouTube loves Tanya Roberts

25.02.2012

Here’s a quickie for tonight. Rather than rewrite it, as it has appeared on my Tumblr, here’s a brief summary.
   YouTube loves Tanya Roberts. No matter what you search for, it will often give you a result about Tanya Roberts and her husband dying. It has been giving us this result for weeks.
   But YouTube doesn’t want to hear your complaints about it loving Tanya Roberts. No matter how short your message, it says it’s too long for the complaints’ box, which has a limit of 8,192 characters. I guess the YouTube people are currently quite happy: ‘Wow, no one has been complaining about our perfect service lately!’
   Since YouTube is owned by Google, I really should have expected more bugs, and, possibly, some more privacy infringements.

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