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History of the decade, part 10: 2009 

Yesterday: 2008


Swine ’flu becomes the “in” illness, becoming more popular than the foot-and-mouth outbreak in the UK. Unlike SARS, no drink is released.
   Michael Jackson dies, finally causing the internet to break down. When Mollie Sugden dies, Mrs Slocombe’s Pussy, in a fit of rage, causes Twitter to break down.
   Sarah Palin starts her Facebook page, and gets more followers than Oprah Winfrey, forcing Oprah to end her show after 25 years as she is convinced this was one of the signs of the Apocalypse.
   With his wife Hillary as Secretary of State and busy on other matters, Bill Clinton wants to prove he still has his charm. He goes to the one last place where he does not have

November: Tiger Woods kept looking over his shoulder at tournaments all year. In November, it was revealed why: his wife had taken up women’s golf and had her own set of clubs. It was the first time golf looked like a cool sport to non-golfing males since Cindy Morgan appeared in Caddyshack.
women who have issued restraining orders against him: North Korea. Upon arrival, he realizes that Kim Jong-il has captured two female American journalists. After a persuasive conversation, Kim Jong-il realizes that if Bill Clinton wants to take two women home, he will.
   Roman Polanski, who prefers far younger women than Clinton did, is arrested in Switzerland, but some French politicians lobby to have him released, based on the premise that as long as the ages added up to 60, it’s no big deal. Eventually, Polanski rejoins his wife, who is younger than his 1977 victim, in Switzerland, under house arrest.
   China becomes the world’s largest car market after the Oscar gaffe in 2007, showing the Japanese once and for all who is boss (‘Don’t mention the war’).
   President Obama misunderstands his advisers’ remarks to ‘bow to the electorate’, and begins bowing to the unelected when he sees King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia and His Imperial Majesty Emperor Akihito.
   Tiger Woods is reminded by his wife of the strict rules of golf: if you play the wrong hole, there is a penalty. In an effort to make up the lost sponsorship after his gaffes, he releases a Christmas single, ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Mistress’.

Tomorrow: Man and Woman of the Decade

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Entries from 2006 to the end of 2009 were done on the Blogger service. As of January 1, 2010, this blog has shifted to a Wordpress installation, with the latest posts here.
   With Blogger ceasing to support FTP publishing on May 1, I have decided to turn these older pages in to an archive, so you will no longer be able to enter comments. However, you can comment on entries posted after January 1, 2010.

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  • History of the decade, part 7: 2006

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