Since my campaign fund-raiser on the 15th, I’ve had to take a back seat from blogging, though there is a lot to discuss about work, our city and other matters. And I would get back in to serious mode but for a nasty stomach bug that has kept me down—and taken away a bit of brain power.
Till then, I feel compelled to write a non-sensical post, one that requires a little more energy than the images I have been sticking up on Tumblr.
Though you have come to expect greater analysis from me on this blog.
Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, and especially to the German waitress at Elements in Lyall Bay who believes Alarm für Cobra 11: die Autobahnpolizei is the worst show on her home country’s telly, I present my guide to writing an episode.
This is not my dissing the show. I love the fact there is a formula, and apparently so do a lot of Germans, which explains why it’s been on since 1996 and is sold in over two dozen countries. About the only major language it is not dubbed in to is English, yet it surpasses most actioners made in the Anglosphere. As a matter of fact, I dislike it when they depart from the formula because it’s become a comfortable old friend since I began watching the show in the early 2000s (and have had to catch up on the 1990s’ ones). If I don’t get my three car chases per episode, I get moody.
In episodes where they focus on a particular character, then put his or her name in instead of ‘Semir and Ben’.
I have used the word ‘Ben’ for Semir’s sidekick below to remain current, though if you look back, these comments could apply to André, Jan, Tom and Chris. I never saw the first two with Ingo and Frank. Susanne could be Andrea in earlier episodes; Kim could be Anna or Katharina.
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Semir and Ben witness a murder / are overtaken by crooks / receive an emergency call / see something unusual
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Semir and Ben give chase
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Crooks kill someone / destroy an innocent party’s car
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Semir and Ben have to stop due to crashed cars / crashing their own car / rendering assistance to motorists / someone having been injured or killed
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Crooks get away
Opening titles: Ihr Revier ist die Autobahn, etc.
Squad investigates clue left behind / murder victim / number plate
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Kim briefs Semir and Ben / Susanne perves at Ben (or, in earlier episodes, Andrea is concerned about Semir)
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Semir and Ben follow the clue / get a call and get to the crooks’ first hideout / location of registered car / murder victim’s home
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Crooks are there, covering up / hiding / stealing stuff
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Semir and Ben / Dieter and Hotte give chase in town / on the Autobahn
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Semir and Ben / Dieter and Hotte lose the crooks in a funny way / in a serious way / in a way that involves someone flipping the bird
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At the scene, Semir and Ben / Dieter and Hotte find more clues from the crooks / from the victim
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Hartmut analyses the clues
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At the station, Kim, Semir and Ben figure out what the crooks / the victim were / was planning
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Susanne figures out where the crooks / the victim were / was planning their / his / her robbery / conspiracy / releasing a bomb / releasing chemicals / kidnapping / other crime
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Crooks are carrying out their plan
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Semir and Ben rush there
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Crooks get in to their vehicle(s) and head to the Autobahn / country lane / forest
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Semir and Ben give chase by car together / are separated and one takes a car and the other takes a helicopter / motorcycle / jeep / truck / horse / jumps on to the crooks’ remaining vehicle to have a fight
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Semir and Ben catch the crooks
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Kim / Dieter and Hotte are / are not there and Ben gets / does not get a snog
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Semir and Ben make some funny comments regardless of who is there
End credits
To those friends in Germany who have seen more episodes than I have, is this about right?