Twitter continues playing silly buggers—are they illiterate?

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It’s hard to believe, but Twitter is far, far worse than Facebook when it comes to straightening things out.
   They’ve now asked for my ‘government-issued ID’ thrice and I’ve provided it thrice. It meets all their criteria.
   This is the latest bollocks:

Hello,

We’re writing to let you know that we’re unable to verify you as the account owner. We know this is disappointing to hear, but we can’t assist you further with accessing your account.
   If you know which email address is associated with the account, and you no longer have access to that email, please contact your email provider for assistance.
   For privacy reasons, we can’t provide any information about this account’s email address.
   You’re more than welcome to create a new account to get back onto Twitter.
   Please do not respond to this email as replies to this account are not monitored.

Thanks,

Twitter

   I didn’t need to be verified as the account owner. I need the account to be unlocked and you needed me to prove my age. I’ve done that. And I know which email is used, I set it up.
   So that’s 12-plus years and thousands of followers gone?
   I really had expected Facebook to screw up somewhere and we’d lose our accounts there, but not Twitter.
   I’ve now gone to their IP department and lodged a complaint against myself (as the owner of the @lucire handle) to see if it can be assigned to me. Convoluted? You bet.
   And instead of sending them my ID again (I’ve tried passport and driver’s licence), I’m going to send in my USPTO registration. What’s the bet they won’t accept something issued by their own government?

PS.: Maybe their ad department is smarter. Let’s see if they respond to this.

Hi folks:

This is very unorthodox but in practice, the ad department tends to be the best at troubleshooting.
   Last month, our business account @lucire was locked. Now, before you refer me to the locked account people, this is the only one where I’m likely to do any advertising from.
   We were locked for being honest. Twitter asked us to fill in the date of birth, and that it applied even to businesses. At no point did it ask for my DOB, but the company’s.
   That was October 20, 1997.
   The AI came crashing down on us. Turns out that made us underage when the account was opened. Now, I’m 49, so I know I wasn’t underage.
   I went through the process of sending in ID, which met all your criteria.
   Now they’re saying that they can’t verify me as the owner, which wasn’t even the issue to begin with.
   I’ve sent in driver’s licence, passport, even a USPTO trade mark certificate (surely that’ll show I’m the owner?).
   Here’s an account that dates back to the 2000s with thousands of followers that we’d like reinstated.
   We’d really like you to help, as the locked-account process is going around in circles, and we are making no progress. On Facebook, it was the ad “concierges” who sorted us out, and I wonder if Twitter will be just as effective.

Sincerely,

Jack Yan